I want to stop it, but it is the only life I know how to live. 

HEY! It is Friday!

I received a package in the mail today from my parents(really my mother). Its my 20th birthday this coming Sunday and I guess they felt that they had to acknowledge it(just like any other parent would). I understand their intentions were to make me feel loved and miss, but it just depressed the hell out of me. She filled the package with candy and a goofy halloween mask. I think she knows I'm depressed as hell about turning 20. Anyway, the worst part about this package was the birthday card. Every year my mother feels a need to write "We're so proud of you."  Meaning her and my father. I guess that can really get to me. They don't have anything to really be proud of. If I'm not proud, there sure as hell is no reason for them to be. I don't know, the whole thing just really brought me down. 

We miss you, Elliott.

St. John's Wort.

It is saturday morning and Ray, Ray's girlfriend Liz, and Andy went to go to breakfast. I can't afford it. Coffee is brewing in the kitchen. After that I'll head in the shower. It's fall, but today it will feel like early spring. Some argue that there isn't much of difference. I don't think people take in these things the same way I do. Despite the weather, I refuse to forget it is my favorite time of the year. My "fall songs" are playing and with nobody home, they can be as loud as I want.

I'll be your friend. You just haven't made me yet.

Listen to "Happiness/The Gondola Man" by Elliott Smith 

"My fate is to become famous, but also to be damned."

I just told Luke that I was going to take a break from smoking marijuana. The decision was almost instantly contagious. As Luke sat in grief for about half a minute he turns to me and says "I'm right there with you, man."

Sometimes it is hard to believe I was once in love. 

Home.

Happy Anniversary, Robert and Irene Zeltmann.

Happy October