I want to be able to tell everyone I know how much I love them. I guess it is easy, but it is hard to find the time. This is a strange thing for me to understand, considering I try my best to spend as much time with my friends as I possibly can. I feel there should be a time were we can all acknowledge our appreciation for each other.. but when? There is so many things I want to say, so many feelings I want to share and ideas I want to expand on. I have so many debts to repay and so many apologizes to give. I'm grown up now. We all are. I need to know that I will be as close to the people around me in 10...20...30 years as I am now. I've noticed in my recent behavior that I am a lot more quiet, timid and uncomfortable in situations that I normally would be most comfortable in. I don't know why that is happening but I want to change it. I'm not the same that I was and that is my fault. I'm not saying that I am perfectly happy with my past self. I have been disrespectful, disloyal and hurt a handful of people. I can not put into words how sorry and ashamed I am of some points in my life. I feel since then I have grown but there are things I am still unhappy about. I'm complaining for myself allowing this to be a reminder that whenever I am unhappy with something from here on I can adjust things to make myself more at ease.

to my 'classic tribe' and the few that have found their way out of my life: I love you, I miss a few and I going to do better.


whether this will mean anything to anyone or if this will even be read I'm not sure.. but it exists.


This has been an interesting summer but I think Fall of 2009 will be a new start of a better self.


Thank you for sticking with me